I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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