I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize