I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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