Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize