My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize