just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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