Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize