oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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