sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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