mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
