I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
