Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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