dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
