I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize