some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize