please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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