Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Randomize
