I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize