oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I will pee on everything he values.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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