please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she pinky promised me she was 18
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
