My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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