I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
