My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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