I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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