Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize