its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
