You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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