So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
