So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hippo gnu deer
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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