im drinking this country out of the recession.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
