I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize