I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
