i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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