JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
