Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
