I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
