The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
