Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Randomize
