Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
