I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
