Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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