My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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