She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
