Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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