I CAN MOONWALK!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
