Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
