The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
