so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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