I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
