dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think people are normalizing furries
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
