I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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