Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
