I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
