I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
