She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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