She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
