theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
