You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
