Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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