I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
