im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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