i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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