Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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