Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do vagina's smell?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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