my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
