She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize