After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
