I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
