the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
