Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
