We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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