I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
