If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
