You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im part way to drunk.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
