I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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