Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
