My hand turned me down
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Someone stole a lamp last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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