Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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