maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
