Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
