so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
