got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
