There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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