So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
