dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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