after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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