he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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