Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Randomize
