cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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