when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize