Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
