yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
