watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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