oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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