My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
