Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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