True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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