Will you blow on my dice?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
