Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
