11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
