is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
