chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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