The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woke up backwards on a recliner
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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