Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
