i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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