You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
