please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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